One man's insight into today's current events

Archive for the tag “political humor 2012”

Is Washington Irrelevant???

It’s official.  Nancy Pelosi has  announced she is bored.  Boy, do we have news for her.  Americans have been bored with Washington for years.   Now that the control freaks in D.C. have damaged individuals so severely through drug-induced legislation, what’s a girl to do?  Perhaps a new hairdo?  Our CongressPERSONS have binged on every “party favor” known to mankind, while their puppet  generals have become Chippendale models on Twitter and the smart ones left holding the fort can’t get a date.  One can certainly understand Ms. Pelosi’s dilemma.  Perhaps it’s time for the ghosts of  Emily Post, Ambrose Bierce and General George Patton to perform pantomimes on the Potomac.  Somebody needs to teach children the meaning of decorum.

Congress wide view copy

This Makes No Census To Us

Just as my wife gets out of the hospital, we get hit with a Census Form in the mail.  You know, those annoying dissertation-length,  grab-all-the-information-about-you, pandemic,  problematical incursions into one’s private life.  The questions on these forms were surely conspired by a group of deviant, wife-swapping, coke-snorting, imbibing, drooling gentlemen with IQs averaging 100 (on a good day, with the winds swirling just right and the  sun shining just right off the rear bumpers of their matched BMWs).  Pause.  Why do we need a census?  Wouldn’t it be much easier to create a CONSENSUS among the American public, who are overworked, overtaxed and over-scrutinized?

If the folks in Washington would worry less about us and be more concerned with their own deportment, we might actually get this train wreck, about-to-happen, off the fiscal cliff.

Census or spy

Insurrection On The Mount

So let me get this straight.  Ms. Clinton waves some greenbacks in Egyptian El Presidente Morsi’s  face, allowing the “bad guys” to further arm Hamas so we  (in the name of the American Public)  can have an “accord” and “cease fire,” while our Generals, West Point to the man, present their “guns” to girls who work for God- knows- who as our fleet of  Mayflowers go adrift in the Middle East to “aid American citizens in the region.”  This sounds so like LPs  we’ve listened to before that have warped so badly under the Sun.

Now “we” have the Fourth Reich established in Egypt, with a quid pro quo guaranteed by Uncle Sam, while the young ones in Egypt just want a job.  Meanwhile, back in the Holy Land of America, people are knifing those who cut in line at the local Walmart during the media-behemoth-produced  Black Friday.  A bus gets bombed in Israel while a bratty bratwurst gets the best damned deal on a 46-inch LCD TV.  Now that’s what I call an Insurrection on the Mount.

A Publisher’s Rights !

Someone slipped me a manuscript the other day.  It was a science-fiction novel.  The novel was set on some planet called Incredulous.  On this planet, the writer warns, is this slab of  land run by a narcissistic ruler embroiled in scandal.  This ruler, it seems, is at war with people across the sea he actually likes.  His generals, meanwhile, are conquering concubines and losing wars that were never declared.  At one point in the novel, an assistant to the ruler threatens to punch out a snoopy reporter asking questions about horse meat.   Strange.  It goes on to detail an economy in turmoil, with people unable to pay their rent or house payment, while insurance agents in drones yell out:  “We’ve got the best price on health insurance!”

As you readers can see, the manuscript was too divorced from reality to be considered for publication.  In the end, I had to assign it to the slush pile.

Election Fatigue Grips America !!!

Many have told me they feel as if they’ve been plunked into a time-dilating Black Hole this election season.  I don’t want to say that this thing seems to be dragging on forever, but I met a guy waiting to cast a ballot at his local precinct who was for Grover Cleveland !?!  There was this other guy who couldn’t stand it any longer and jumped out the window of his penthouse in the Upper Eastside of  NYC.  The last thing he said, before hitting the pavement, was, “It’s George W. Bush’s fault !”  Of course, this has all led to the inevitable gallows humor such as:  “What do you call 100 political pundits at the bottom of the sea?”  Answer:  “A good start.”

I don’t know about all this, but I do know I’ve grown a bit weary myself, and I LOVE politics.  Maybe there is something to this Black Hole thing.  Didn’t they “capture” the “god particle” at CERN?  All I know is the American public gets no respect, you know?  The public has to put up with sycophants kissing their babies and, in the end, they find out their kid isn’t going to get Social Security.

Well, like they say, what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger.

Men in Black at the London Olympics?

I watched Men In Black 3 recently and enjoyed it, I must sadly admit.  It got me thinking about time travel and parallel universes.  In a parallel universe, the current Olympic Games, the “London Games,”  might go something like this.  Edward the VIII is dropped by parachute into the opening ceremonies of  “The Games,” followed by an exquisitely choreographed group of androgynous folk dancers in German SS uniforms strutting to the  chimes of  Sleeping Beauty.  Germany and Britain win all the medals, while the Finnish skier weeps.  But, alas, there is a happy ending.  The Scots win the gold for enduring buffoonery.

It Must Be Global Warming !?!

We have all kinds of things falling from the skies these days.  The most recent oddity was a falling Queen over London.  Can we next expect U.S. Senators McCain, Lugar and Brown,  those Republican “daredevils” who joined up with the DNC and “didn’t know” about the Congressional letter opposing gun-control signed by their fellow Republicans, to parachute into the Super Bowl next year?  That would be a real “stroke” of genius to some.

News! Snews!


Computer algorithms are now producing much of the news Americans see today, according to AFP reporter Rob Lever.  As a former newspaper editor back in the “stone age,” I find this development abhorrent.  Will we next see 24/7 “commentators” with iPads sticking out of their foreheads while wearing retro day-glow fashions made in “nations” promoting slave labor!?!

Shaken, Not Stirred, Sir

I observe that the Iranian legislature, or whatever they call it over there, has voted to close down the Strait of Hormuz, while our ever-vigilant TSA, a splinter group of the PTA, is checking out who’s drinking V.O. or Canadian Club in America’s airports.  Meanwhile, “over there,” our brave men and women are flying our flag bravely aboard aircraft carriers, which some folk in Washington have made sitting ducks.


What, Me Worry!?!

Washington, D.C., is “in the dark.”  Tell the American public something they haven’t known for the last half-century.  It is rough when metaphor reaches the level of reality.  Who said God doesn’t have a sense of humor?  He made us, didn’t he?  On another topic, have a fun Fourth of July.  Fun is actually guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution (the pursuit of Happiness). And to all the folks out there, across oceans, across continents, you have a great day, too!  Hopefully, your constitutions will soon guarantee your pursuit of happiness, in whatsoever manner you, as an individual, define it.

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